October 16th- Photographer Perspective
Leading up to this day, Danielle and I had talked multiple times day after day, both of us anticipating her sweet rainbow baby's arrival. She was so excited and ready, but we both knew this baby was going to come when it was good and ready, and everything according to God's will. We had no reason to stress, or be anxious about anything. We both just had this feeling that baby may come earlier than her due date. That wasn't at all the case!
Her original guess date was Friday, October 13th. That entire weekend she was experiencing subtle signs that labor was approaching. Sunday night she text me and told me she had a feeling that her contractions were the real deal this time! The way she was describing them made me feel that she may be right. I gathered some things for my children to stay with a friend, made sure everything was charged and packed in my camera bag, and went to sleep early... expecting to get a call in the middle of the night.
Around 4:30 the next morning I get a call from her husband. That was my first sign that labor had started. Groggy but high alert, I pick up the phone, already slipping my cardigan on and rushing up the stairs.
"Contractions are coming in 2 minutes apart, and she's really working through them."
I forget my shoes, grab my camera bag, and jump in the car.
When I get to the house, things are quiet. Too still for a mom in labor. I slipped through the door, and found Danielle sleeping on the couch. Still very much pregnant. I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that I'm at least right at her side if things change quickly. She woke up about an hour or so after I got there, and I could sense there was some discomfort as she walked around or talked.
The midwives had been there for a few hours already, and when we all assessed how Danielle was, we decided to leave since her contractions had almost completely fizzled out. She was feeling slightly discouraged but she managed to push through the day and get some things done!
I definitely didn't go home from there, since I was about an hour and a half away. The thought of missing this birth gave me so much anxiety, I did my best to stay within 15-20 minutes. I grabbed a coffee, grabbed some lunch, and walked, waiting for the text.
P.S. I did buy some shoes :)
Periodically I would text her to see how she was doing, and it seemed like contractions were so sporadic and spread out.
Around 4:30PM, I joined them for a biscuits & gravy dinner, and we enjoyed Scooby Doo. I noticed a significant change in Danielle... she stood up and worked through contractions, starting roughly about 10 minutes apart about halfway through dinner. The noise of the movie and of the children running and playing was just a little too much for her, so she walked into her bedroom to have that quiet moment to herself.
This is when things really shifted.
Around 6PM, Dakota started filling up the birth tub and Danielle was steadily working through her contractions. I prayed quietly in my head for this mama, just like I do for all the others, and quietly sat back and held her space, capturing as much as I could.
With the way things were progressing, I thought for sure it would be a couple hours before baby arrived. I was definitely wrong... by a long shot.
Around 6:30, Danielle gets into the pool and rocks her way through each contraction. Her emotions are starting to flood in.
A little backstory before I continue...
Danielle had contacted me in August looking for a birth photographer and was able to snag an amazing deal that I had going on. I traveled up to a coffee shop (an obsession/love that we both have) and met with her and her family. Her three kids were so sweet, Dakota -her husband- was so supportive and absolutely amazing, and I could rave about how much I adore Danielle, but words could not express how much! As we continued to talk, she opened up about a miscarriage she just faced a few months ago and how emotional this pregnancy was. I could relate to this so much. Right before my little girl was born, I had faced a miscarriage and felt those same emotions she was expressing to me.
I have a special place in my heart for rainbow babies, always have and always will.
Back to the birth...
Danielle had earlier expressed she wanted her children to be present, and maybe even catch the baby... WHAT? YES! Siblings at a birth are so magical. Watching their little faces, seeing the excitement they have, watching the concern and care they have for their mother... it just makes me emotional typing this. Children have such huge hearts, especially for their parents.
The children were in the bedroom changing and getting ready to get in the pool with mom as Dakota came out to be with his wife. He slid into the pool behind her and wow... the air shifted, the love in the room that her husband so openly expressed towards her was felt everywhere. The tears were stinging the eyes for sure... I'm a crier.
About five or so minutes after Dakota, all of her children followed close behind. Let me tell you something... Watching the way that each child showed love and care towards their mama brought me to tears. This was definitely the most emotional, intense, and magical birth that I've attended.
7PM... Still no midwives and the transition was happening fast. Danielle's water had broke, and a gush of fluid and blood came rushing out. I was ready. Mom was ready. Her body shook and was turning a bright red from the pushing she was doing -AN ABSOLUTE BEAST-
A couple minutes later, the midwife assistant walked through the door. She didn't breathe a word, but instead, instantly got to work. She pulled out a wet rag for Danielle, grabbed the doppler to check baby, and notified Allison -the main midwife- (Which by the way, if you are in the Saint Louis area, Diana Hopkins & Allison Dougherty are some of the best that I've seen, HIRE THEM!)
7:06- the head was born and Danielle called out for her two oldest to come close to catch the baby.
7:07- baby is HERE!! The moment she lifted baby out of the water, the room was silent, watching as she unwrapped the cord from around the neck. She didn't pause, she didn't freak out... she instantly noticed it, grabbed it, and unwrapped. No time for delay or emotion in this moment.
Danielle's reaction is my absolute favorite. The moment she unwrapped the cord, and put baby to her chest, she let all of the emotion out. I couldn't help but cry with her, knowing that she finally had her rainbow baby in her arms with her family surrounding her.
They waited until this moment to find out the gender of this little one. They took a peek down there, and Danielle cried out "Oh my gosh! IT'S A BOY!!!!" Through our texts, there were multiple texts saying she just had a feeling this baby was definitely going to be a boy! She was spot on!! :)
Danielle absolutely rocked her birth, and if I could have, I would have stayed there for hours soaking up all the love between this family. Moments that are my absolute favorite to think back on about this birth goes between the siblings, and how interactive they were through her entire labor process, the love that Dakota has for Danielle - between making her biscuits and gravy, holding her tightly against him, and even sucking the hose to try to get the water WITH vernix and other fluids through... and successfully getting some in his mouth... the lengths of love will not be forgotten! Lastly, the emotional moments of this family of 5... NOW 6... being together, crying, smiling, and laughing with one another.
I can't thank Danielle and her family enough for allowing me to come into her birth space, and to be allowed in such an important and vulnerable part of your life. Welcome earthside sweet Arrow. You're growing so quickly and becoming cuter and cuter by the second! You are so loved by so many already.
Danielle's Perspective
On October 13th, Arrow’s due date, I started having contractions that were different than before, but not consistent. I’d feel them for a couple hours, then they’d taper off. On the 14th, (Saturday) I felt mostly fine throughout the day. But that night, I had mild contractions throughout the night. The morning of the 15th (Sunday), I woke up & had a tiny bit of bloody show. This has always been a huge sign of active labor for every pregnancy for me, so I was excited, but again, it was a tiny amount so I tried not to think much about it.
We had a family day & decided to go on a hunt for my favorite local kettle corn T we ended up taking a spontaneous trip to a local farmers market where I continued to have contractions that were manageable. Really just soaking up the day with my family. We came home, finished a Halloween craft with our kids & enjoyed the day. I had a feeling labor was happening, so I was just focusing on enjoying this special (and probably) final family day before our family would grow!
Come closer to the night, again, I had a tiny bit more bloody show. This got me excited, but still a bit in denial.
We went to bed.
At 12:43 AM, I timed my first contraction. They were a minute long & went from 10 minutes apart to 1-2 minutes apart really fast. At 4:37 AM, hubby called my photographer & midwife’s assistant (at this point, my midwife had been on a family vacation & we weren’t sure if we’d have her & were set up with another midwife we did know that was on call).
About 5:15am my midwife’s assistant arrived. She informed me that my midwife was back in town & was on her way what a breath of fresh air!
But, this was also the moment my contractions started backing off. Bigger gaps in between, same intensity. My midwife & photographer arrived & I was feeling frustrated. This happened with my 3rd. Had bloody show, had contractions all night long, kids woke in the morning & they fizzled, but randomly continued with the same intensity all day & they picked back up when kids went to bed for the night & I had her at 3:13AM.
So, though I was very frustrated, and, quite frankly, embarrassed that they all drove over for everything to dissipate, I was hopeful that that would also be the night, just like it had been with my last baby. So at this point I laid on the couch to get some rest, my husband went back to bed, my midwife went upstairs to rest, & my photographer & midwife’s assistant just chilled around the house. I woke up, felt fine & so they all left, but kept close. We went about our day. I really had this feeling that baby would come on this day. So I napped & rested as much as possible. Cleaned the house a little, & contractions continued, but very spaced.
Fun fact:
I had homemade sausage gravy & biscuits the day I went into labor with all 3 of my babies. It’s my most favorite breakfast, so since this day was calm & I assumed it would be my last meal before baby, my hubby started making it.
However, around 3:30 my contractions started picking up again. This time they were incredibly intense, deeper & lower. About this time I also I tried to eat those biscuits & gravy, but I couldn’t focus. I went to our bedroom & labored in there. This ended up being such a beautiful part of my labor, which I didn’t expect. I would climb in bed, rest, then get off the bed & breathe through another contraction. It was peaceful, dark & quiet. But the contractions were coming on hard & FAST. It was viscous. I remember walking out of our room, looking at my good friend/ my photographer, & saying, “these are coming on really fast & really intense.” I just knew it was going to be soon that I’d be holding this baby.
I texted my midwife at 4:05 to let her know it was full intensity with lots of bloody show. My husband started filling the birth pool about 6pm. I texted my midwife & she started heading this way. Once I got in the pool, goodness was it such a relief! That warm water, there’s just something about it that’s so comforting & helps ease contractions a bit.
During this time period, since 4pm, I met a new version of myself. A version I had never knew existed. I’ve always been a quiet laborer. Not this baby... I was vocal. I was emotional. & I embraced it. I coached myself through these moments. “Breathe your baby down. Lord, give me strength. Almost. Slow down. I get to hold my baby. Come on baby.”
I had a moment of full emotions thinking of our baby we lost back in December & tried fueling those emotions to motivate me. Truth be told, I think this a big reason that I had a ton of emotional moments during & after. With each surge, I was in a lunge position & would push back into my husband as he gave counter pressure. He would whisper the exact things I needed to hear into my ear & encouraged me the entire way. My own personal, (and good lookin’) doula!
I had my babies in the pool with me. They begged my entire pregnancy, to be involved. They were so excited for this day & we had prepared for it! Things that motivated me when they were in the pool were:
Cas: “I’m not just excited. I’m DOUBLE excited!”
Ruby: holding me any chance she could
Amara: watching me intently, telling me she loves me & randomly holding my hand.
All of my babies were focused & so in tune with what was going on.
At 6:34 pm my midwife texted saying she’d be here at 7:08pm. But when I saw her text come through, I knew the baby would probably be here before then. Which, I had full intentions of catching my own baby & prepared for everything, so I was at peace had that happened.
Transition began. I felt FER (fetal ejection reflex) kick in. With my 3rd baby, it’s almost like she came down pretty easily compared to this baby. This baby, it was intense & I felt like I was actually pushing with FER way more. I knew it was soon because I could physically feel him moving down.
At 6:53 my water broke! A few more contractions & there it was, I felt his head coming into the birth canal.
7:06 his head was born & it was instant relief! I said “the head is out!! Cas, Ruby, come up here!! Are you ready?” Then 2 pushes & I slowly brought my baby up & out of the water at 7:07 pm.
All of my babies I have had a very short umbilical cord & it was wrapped around his neck so I unwrapped it & then brought my baby up to my chest. Baby was so calm & so quiet. I just kept talking to baby & rubbing baby. At 7:09 I turned & my husband & I were ready to reveal our team green baby. We faced all the kids as I cried in happiness, “oh my gosh!! IT’S A BOY!”
We all sat in awe over our sweet baby. & then my midwife walked in the door
we enjoyed the moment, then got out & got on the couch where Arrow latched immediately & nursed. I birthed the placenta super fast compared to my other babies. My midwife walked us through the anatomy of the placenta, Cas & Ruby got to hold it & check it out, which was super fun for them
Then, after resting some, we cleaned up & went to our bedroom. We weighed, did all the measurements, etc.
Arrow weighed 8 pounds 1 ounce. Big ol’ head exactly the same size Cas had at 14.25” (I birthed that!) And he was 20” long!
We all cuddled up in our bed & everyone left & we enjoyed our first night as a family of 6. I was so grateful to have him early in the evening. I was fully anticipating it would be a middle of the night baby again but this was perfect. I still can’t believe we have a brown haired baby boy!
we are all so in love with you, Arrow Roman Howe!
